Turn on Hallmark Channel
Watch for
Glamorous female character, with swirling, highlighted hair and bright eyes.
Note two handsome hunks: One real-estate mogul, loaded but with zero personality
The other, a poor artist (or writer) with heart of gold
Handsome Hunk 1
Handsome Hunk 2
Scan the screen for scenic vineyard scene, perhaps with an alpaca wreaking havoc on the vines
See how the match-making directors color-coordinate fashion for the would-be couple
Notice sumptuous room décor for the rich, but greedy family
Observe the homey wood-burning hearth of the poor, but kind guy
***
My Formula for watching:
Turn TV Sound OFF
Grab copy of Alexander McCall Smith’s Tiny Tales
Read McCall Smith’s 3-minute tales, glancing at the TV screen every 6 minutes.
Sneak a peek at the TV near the end, to make sure the dialogue is moving toward a passionate KISS or wonderful wedding.
Voilá – you have read part of an entertaining book by a Scottish author along with a visual escape to the sumptuous locale of a French vineyard, a Greek Isle, or a Canadian forest.
Or not!
During the pandemic, men in my writers’ group admitted to watching Hallmark movies. They sounded guilty, “I’m starting to watch Hallmark now; I don’t know why. The plot is predictable, with stock characters. The ending is a foregone conclusion. It’s silly.”
I’m guessing that the “And they-lived-happily-ever-after” ending is one reason no-nonsense male types would watch a channel with formulaic fare. Think about it: A few years ago, we didn’t know how or when Covid-19 would loosen its grip globally. Death and despair reigned. But the Hallmark channel (or the equivalent happily-ever-after romance station in your country) delivered dollops of happiness with each episode. Nobody died. Except for the nasty knave, everyone thrived!
My Review, Tiny Tales
Virtuoso storyteller Alexander McCall Smith again delights with thirty vignettes that explore romance, ambition, kindness and happiness, accompanied by witty cartoons from Iain McIntosh. I’m familiar with this author, so I know when I crack open his books, I’ll find eccentric and engaging characters mingled with the ordinary. And where else can one find the story of a pope named Ron who permits his long-time friend to etch a tattoo on his shoulder—just a tiny one, of course, with the image of St. Francis of Assisi.
Spoiler alert! another vignette:
Husband cheats on wife
Distraught wife becomes suicidal
She jumps from upstairs bedroom window
As she falls to her death, cheating husband returns home to retrieve his passport
Walking on sidewalk outside home, husband cushions the wronged wife’s fall
She survives; he doesn’t. Retribution complete!
You’ve just read a spoof of Hallmark romance movies. You may think I’ve been unfair, demonizing a perfectly fine genre.
If you disagree with my viewpoint, explain why here.
If you agree, tell why.
Good morning, Marian!
Hallmark movies are not my thing, but I know people who love them, and I’d rather read a book without the distraction of the TV being on. In the worst of the pandemic, I think I read and watched a lot of horror (but not about epidemics!), but also some shows that made me laugh.
I’ve read and enjoyed some of Alexander McCall Smith’s books.
Merril, obviously Hallmark movies are not my thing either.
I just came from your blog and noticed you published a tiny poem, Whispers. A teeny bit of synchronicity in theme here–ha! 😀
And speaking of synchronicity, I attended a prose poem/microfiction workshop last night!
;-D
😉
I agree Marian, HM movies are predictable, however, very profitable for those talented script writers who can write within their guidelines. I have a friend whose granddaughter earns $20k per script making for a handsome nest egg. Most of her movies are shown on the American Family Channel.
More power to that creative woman! It’s hard to make a living as a writer, and it looks as though your friend’s grand-daughter has found her niche. Thanks for tuning in again, Carolyn! 😀
I sometimes watch Hallmark movies with some friends, Ginger and John, who loves the movies as much as Ginger. We love when Christmas rolls around and they start showing more movies!
Interesting! Because the plot is quite predictable you can visit with friends as you watch, especially during commercials. The movie featured here was a celebration of autumn. Probably Hallmark will roll out Christmas movies in October. Thanks for weighing in, L. Marie. 😀
I don’t watch Hallmark movies and rarely read romance books BUT I happen to be in the middle of an historic type romance novel written by a friend who published many romance books when she was in better health. I get a kick out of the hints of passion she throws in. Her books are very well written but I probably will never have a shelf of romance books, especially those that lean into the paranormal, but they’re fun from time to time. https://bethtrissel.wordpress.com/
I clicked on Beth’s website and noted that she is also “crafting” again. Looking at her book covers, I get the impression her romances are clean, not venturing too much into the erotic.
Thanks for joining the chat again today, Melodie! 😀
Yeah, just skip Hallmark and read as many Alexander McCall Smith books as you can get your hands on. No contest.
Thanks for voting here, Sarah.
By the way, in addition to reading, you also appreciate quilting as I noticed on you FB page. 😀
Yes, more quilting projects than years left to live. I also try to do my bit to support the work of Mennonite Central Committee by making comforters and Mennonite Disaster Service by making wall hangings for their completed home rehabs.
My grandmother and all my quilting forebears would applaud your work. Menno Simons would too. On one of my other blog posts, I show an image of a plaque my Aunt Ruthie had on her wall, a statement attributed to Menno Simons in 1541: “If we wish to save our neighbor’s soul by the help of the Spirit and Word of our Lord, or if we see our neighbors in need or in danger, driven forth for the Word of the Lord, then we should not close our doors to them. We should receive them in our houses and share our food, aid them, and comfort and assist them in their troubles.”
Excellent parody–and the exact reason I never watch Hallmark movies. Too formulaic, too cheesy, and too unrealistic.
I hear you, Liz! Thanks for stopping by. 😀
You’re welcome, Marian. 😀
Yes, it’s very hard for me to enjoy Hallmark’s brand of cheese. Boy, you got a little dark in there with your nice retribution Marian, I laughed out loud! Thank you for the reminder about Alexander McCall Smith. I have read him, but it’s been years and I should return for a visit.
Melanie, I’m glad you got a belly laugh, but the summary of the hard landing came from one of Alexander McCall Smith’s short stories. Reading A.M.Smith can be both relaxing and unsettling, but always worthwhile. 😀
Oh shoot, Marian, I’m sorry I missed that transition! 😊 The ironic laugh remains the same though!
😀
Thanks for the belly laugh. Guess where or not??
You’re welcome, Jean. Not sure how to guess. . . .
They’re making a Hallmark Christmas movie right here in Winnipeg! “Why Winnipeg?” I asked my daughter. “Because it’s cheaper” was her reply! There’s no snow yet (thank goodness!) so they are making artificial snow!
Hallmark is putting Winnipeg on the map, a good thing. The Chamber of Commerce in your city should be garnering some cash from that. Obviously your setting fits the script perfectly. Thanks for letting us know, Elfrieda! 😀
Glancing at the screen every six minutes.to see that things are progressing as expected. 🤣
Yep, not a fan, but while recovering from serious knee surgery at eighteen, I watched soap operas. That was certainly not something I’d have admitted to my buddies.
My hypothesis about why some people like Hallmark movies is it is human nature to want order in our lives. Watching an episode of Lassie was the same. We found comfort knowing Lassie would save the day.
I like your theories, Pete. Fairy tales have the reputation for being happily-ever-after though some in their raw form are not so. Hallmark stories are a type of fairy tale for many and so have their place.
About soap operas which are known for very un-orderly plots. I have a theory about why you watched them after knee surgery. Soap operas are stories that never end; you could count on seeing the same characters in familiar settings over and over again until you were discharged, so you could take comfort in that. One thing for sure: Stories make the world go ’round. We never tire of a good story—thus “of the making of books there is no end”! 😀
Hi, Marian! My hubby loves the Hallmark Movies, and the Hallmark Movies and Mystery channel. We watch one together at least twice a week…more when new ones are introduced. I nap through the middles and never miss a thing. Once in awhile, one of them will surprise me. The interruption of the first tentative kiss doesn’t happen, for example. Could there be a plot twist? Some of them actually depart from the standard theme, although they’re few and far between. I must say, the predictability is relaxing and the occasional departure from the norm can be refreshing. It’s a nice departure from reality and I’m happy to share them with my sweetheart. I prefer to read books, but that, like writing, is a solitary pursuit.
I laughed at the retribution excerpt! Thanks for sharing it!
Blessings,
Patty
My favorite line in your reply: “I nap through the middles and never miss a thing.” So true.
Yes, stories are a departure from reality. Maybe that’s why we find them so alluring. Right now my husband and I are re-watching episodes of “Monarch of the Glen” on ROKU channel. It’s precisely because they take us away to the Scottish highlands to see again characters we loved long ago. Thanks for tuning in, Patty! 😀
Sometimes folks just need something light and predictable. I watch very little TV so would not be inclined to watch the Hallmark Channel but I can see why many folks do. As for Alexander McCall Smith, I’m a huge fan and have read many of his books. I also had the pleasure of meeting him once. He is very funny in person. If I have a spare hour, I’d rather read a book than watch TV. Here we even have a Christmas channel so you can watch Christmas movies all year round!
Yes, Darlene, my preference is books too. How wonderful you actually met Alexander McCall Smith. I understand from his bio that he was once a barrister-at-law, an attorney. His cases could provide a lot of plot material, I would guess. And I’m not surprised he is funny. There is usually an under-current of humor in his writing. Sometimes, outright comedy. Thanks for commenting! 😀
Oh, interesting. You touched a button here (for me). I can’t tolerate HM movies – they give the romance genre a bad rep. They are poorly written (purposely, but still…) and so stereotypical it’s almost laughable. Almost. When I was down with Covid (last January) I watched a HW movie because everything else hurt (ie, using my brain hurt, as well as my eyes). The HW movie was comforting – I didn’t even have to look at it to know what was going on. But I could only handle that one, then I realized how desperate I was. :–)
On the other hand, if people dump the kind of romance Hallmark movies give us into the entire “romance genre,” they are missing some really good novels and movies. Romance/love is the thing that binds all of us humans, no matter where we live, who we are, and what we do for a living. Think of a classic movie or novel that does not include romance/love. Not possible. I just finished reading Hello Beautiful, an Oprah selection (and she only selects serious important novels) and (as I wrote in my Goodreads review) it’s a family soap opera. About love.
Point given.
<3
Desperate times call for desperate measures: comfort from stereotypical stories, a good way to describe Hallmark offerings. Anyway, it helped you over a hump, so some value.
I looked up Hello, Beautiful and saw it was by Ann Napolitano, whose Dear Edward I read some time ago. The book was substantial and I wrote: “Ann Napolitano’s novel is indeed a coming-of-age story, but the story is much more than that. With the expertise of a forensic scientist and a journalist’s keen observation, author Napolitano takes her readers down the corridors of the mind of the sole survivor on a flight from Newark to Los Angeles, twelve-year-old Edward, who grapples with survivor’s guilt as he is haunted by memories of his lost loved ones.”
Yes, I certainly agree, love makes the world go ’round. Thanks to you, I have put Hello Beautiful on hold. Oh, the power of your influence, Pam! ;-D
Speaking of power of influence, I now have Dear Edward on hold. 🙂
Way to go, Pam!
I don’t watch movies, but I can imagine these offer happy endings and less violence than much else offered. I’m sure I’m not giving the genre a fair chance, but I’m glad I don’t have to watch these movies and decide. Especially because I’d have to wrestle with my hearing, I’m glad to choose a good book.
Elaine, you (and I) know first-hand how a well-written book can engage all one’s senses: visual, tactile, taste, even auditory when we “hear” sounds a skilled writer can evoke with language.
All the Light We Cannot See was a visual treat for me, the author able to imagine a world without the privilege of eyesight. Author Doerr enabled me to read Braille, so to speak, and pick my way along the uneven sidewalk with a long cane. 😀
Haha! I loved this post, Marian. I thought you were going to say that by the end of the movie, the person in the room managed to do two things at once: read part of a novel and watch a movie without watching! 🙂
I’m not into Hallmark movies, but I can imagine they are super relaxing and perfect for “no-brains entertainment.” There is a reason why cozy mysteries and romance stories are popular as well. Same thing: predictable storyline and ending and a tad of humor and romance.
Funny you mentioned alpacas, as I’m seeing a lot of these roaming about in Peru at the moment. 🙂
I’m glad my post “tricked” you a tiny bit.
Obviously, I didn’t follow the story closely at all, but now that I think about it, there was mention that alpacas were eating the grape vines. Also, I believe you gave us a “roaming about” update on your blog this week. Time to swing over and catch up with you guys, Liesbet. Thanks for weighing in here today. 😀
Hi Marian, I have never watched Hallmark movies but I can understand their appeal. Light and predictable with a dependable happy ending. A bit like the Sweet Valley High romances I used to read in high school. My reading taste generally runs to drama, dystopian, and war fiction so I don’t really read romances much, but occasionally I enjoy a good feel good love story.
Robbie, your writing skill is so diverse; it’s amazing: the Sir Chocolate series with fondant art, along with While the Bombs Fell (children and World War II). I’m not surprised that your reading interests are varied too: dystopian works along with drama. Yes, sometimes we feel the need for light and predictable books with totally happy endings. Thanks for checking in with a comment here. 😀
I don’t think I’ve ever watched a Hallmark movie – at least not knowingly – but I get their appeal. A little escapism is a release valve, I think. I usually find my release valve through books rather than movies. I read serious books, and occasionally I need a good old romp of a fun, easy read.
Arlene, you sound like a well-balanced reader, usually choosing literature rather than light romance. I like your description of the value of the latter: “A little escapism is a release valve,” probably Hallmark movies for some.
Thanks for tuning in today! 😀
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Hallmark movie all the way through. I don’t have the patience for the predictability of them, even with a hunky dreamboat as one of the characters.
You and I like to gather our blog post themes from real life, a “what’s-going-on-today” sort of approach. I was dying to read “Tiny Tales” but the TV channel grazed by Hallmark awhile ago, and here is the result. Thanks for weighing in, Ally! 😀
I’m 100 percent with you on Hallmark movies, or what I call ‘cookie-cutter’ movies, which as a romance writer, might seem strange. I find them cringeworthy with their fake trees and fake snow and predictable plots. When you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all.
I agree with you. But this genre continues to have appeal for those who need an escape. Here is the link for other readers to find a romance from novelist Josephine Strand that’s NOT cringeworthy: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/5682443095
Aw…thank you so much for the shoutout, Marian. I hope I didn’t offend anyone by using the term ‘cringeworthy’. People’s tastes in books and movies are subjective, so to each their own.
My blog is open to varied opinions. And sometimes, like this week, I like to generate a bit of controversy. No need to apologize, Josephine. Your point of view is certainly valid! 😀
Haha! I’ve never watched a Hallmark movie, but I’m not against stories like this with happy endings. That said, I’d choose reading Alexander McCall Smith over watching a HM movie!
When I was still teaching, I read a bunch of his books to relax, including several from the No. 1 Ladies Detective series. Then I got hooked on the Scotland series and fell in love with Bertie, Isabel Dalhousie and Domenica. One of the characters has a dog with a gold-tooth, notable I’d say.
Thanks for your vote today, Barbara! 😀