The Emerald City lies in the center of the Land of Oz, at the end of the yellow brick road in Frank Baum’s fabled story, The Wizard of Oz, first published in 1900. In the center of the city is the fairy-tale Palace where the redoubtable Wizard resides.
Photo credit: Oz Fandom.com
The palace itself is constructed of green glass, emeralds, and other precious jewels. It is a destination to which silver-shoed Dorothy and her trip mates aspire: The Scarecrow, The Tin Woodman, and the Cowardly Lion. Dorothy’s goal is to seek the Wizard’s wisdom so she can return home again to the Kansas prairie with her beloved Aunt Em.
The Emerald City in the Land of Oz is a destination.
Marriage, however, is a process, a journey that includes some terrain like the Yellow Brick Road, but also rocky roads, prickly paths, and slick shoulders–even crossroads with questionable signage.
This year we celebrate 55 years together. Marriage lore labels this milestone as the Emerald Anniversary and suggests the groom buy for his bride a special ring. My groom will get off easy. His bride is a former Mennonite girl, who doesn’t require a pricey ornament like the eternity ring with emeralds and diamonds pictured here.
Not surprisingly, emerald green is associated with renewal, rebirth and growth. Through time, emeralds have been regarded as a symbol of truth, fidelity, and love. The Incas revered the emerald as did ancient Egyptians. Emeralds are mentioned several times in the Bible. “This precious gem is included among the stones of Israel’s twelve tribes, the foundations of New Jerusalem, the high priest’s breastplate, and the twelve Apostles.”
Over the years, we have discovered that it takes more than the gift of emeralds or three clicks of a pair of silver shoes or wishful thinking to stay together companionably. Even an expensive gift won’t impart magical powers to a relationship.
Ada Calhoun, author of Wedding Toasts I’ll never Give, presents an unflinching but loving portrait of her own marriage as the book’s blurb states. She also shares wisdom from a pope, a rabbi, a movie magnate, a psychologist and more.
Here are some excerpts from her book:
Pope Francis pontificates
Pope Francis once told a group of engaged couples that married life is about two people gradually changing each other for the better. He said marriage is creative, “a craftsman’s task, a goldsmith’s work, because the husband has the duty of making the wife more of a woman and the wife has the duty of making the husband more of a man. . . . One day you will walk along the streets of your town and the people will say, ‘Look at that beautiful woman, so strong!’ ‘With the husband that she has, it’s understandable!’” (Address of Pope Francis to Engaged Couples Preparing for Marriage,” February 14, 2014).
[Although I agree with his counsel, I take advice from an unmarried man with a grain of salt.]
A Rabbi and Ritual in Marriage
“Ritual can be a sacred drama of our fondest aspirations: what we were, what we are, and what we hope to be—not just measured by the meagerness of our own life’s experience, but inscribed in a ritual script that we inherit from the many generations that came before us.” ~ Rabbi Lawrence. A. Hoffman.
Movie Magnate Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry says “that when we’re married, we need to keep in mind the 80/20 rule. Our partner, he says, will give us 80 percent of what we want. When we look at other people, we see only that they have the other 20 percent. Of course, if we ever left our partner for what we want, just a different 80 percent—new joys, new problems. And looking around, we would still see the missing 20 percent in other people.”
Author Calhoun concludes: “I wouldn’t want to trade in my current problems for new ones with someone else.” 126
Psychologist Erich Fromm
“To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise,” writer psychologist Erich Fromm. “If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go. How can I judge that it will stay forever, when my act does not involve judgment and decision?” 144
Ada Calhoun characterizes her own marriage of eighteen years as certifying a bonafide relationship
“Making a relationship official and public changes it. When you have witnesses from both families, each person’s tribe is on its own side, and when the couple walks back up the aisle after getting married, they’re like the pull tab on a zipper, merging the two sides into one family for the rest of human history.” 161
Grace in Marriage
“Marriage is built upon grace,” writes the Christian writer Edward S. Gleason. “It is not a contact that depends upon the exchange of goods and services, based upon what each does to and for the other. Marriage is a condition of being, not [just] doing. Marriage is based on who we are with one another. Marriage lives and grows with grace, and without grace marriage dies.” 130
18 And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
19 And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.
20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
22 And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
My Final Thoughts on the Eve of our 55th Anniversary
Commitment is walking in the same direction for a very long time.
2017
Link to 48th anniversary blog post: https://marianbeaman.com/2015/08/05/old-wives/
Any tips of your own to share?
Oh Marian! Congrats to you and Cliff! An emerald is a beautiful symbol of 55 years! Yay, yay, yay!
Thank you, Early Bird! We appreciate the notice here; you are welcome. 😀
Happy anniversary, Marian! You’ve curated some very thought-provoking quotes. I particularly like the one from Erich Fromm.
I can’t resist when public figures and other professionals weigh in on such an important topic. Thanks, Liz!
You’re welcome, Marian!
Happy 55th anniversary Marian and Cliff! Who needs diamonds or emeralds to reward marriage (not that it would hurt it!). But on marriage, J Paul Getty, the famous American billionaire and philanthropist, is reported to have said “I would surrender all of my wealth in an instant to have one good marriage“
Carol, your mention of J. Paul Getty, prompted me to do a Google search. Sure enough, the billionaire had 5 wives and 4 partners. For me, it’s hard to keep up with one spouse. You may feel the same about Barry. Thanks for checking in here with a timely comment. ;-D
Happy 55 Years, Marian and Cliff! I think your final comment sums it up! ❤️
You and Doug are setting a record too, especially if you figure in a friendship since ninth grade. Wow!
Thanks, Merril. 😀
You’re welcome, Marian! 😊
Hi Marian, congratulations on your wedding anniversary. This is a beautiful post with some lovely content and advice.
You are kind to read and comment. Thanks so very much, Robbie! 😀
Happy Anniversary to you both! 🥂🍾❤
Thank you, Maria Fatima. You and Peter have been together for a long time as well. 😀
Happy 55! This is a beautiful tribute to marriage. <3
Thank you so much, Linda Lee! 😀
Happy Anniversary! Here’s to many years ahead to celebrate.
Thank you, Joan. Blessings to you and Bill as you contemplate a move very soon. All the best! 😀
Happy 55th Anniversary, Marian and Cliff! Lovely tribute to a beautiful union! xo
Thank you, Jill! 😀
Marian & Cliff — happy, Happy, HAPPY anniversary!
Thanks for the enthusiastic shout-out here, Laurie! 😀
I think you should go for the Emerald, Marian.
Happy Anniversary and many more……..!
Thanks for the nudge, Jean. But I’d probably pick a ruby because I like the color of the stone better – ha! 😀
Hardy and I are one year behind you and Cliff, Marian. (January 13, 1968) He got me a diamond engagement ring with a hook to which the wedding band was attached. I really love the emerald, which is my birthstone. For my birthday one year, Hardy bought me a small emerald with two tiny diamonds attached in a gold setting. I love it and wear it instead of my diamond (which got a bit tight on me as the years added on some extra padding!) Thanks for the words of wisdom you shared. It’s a miracle any two people stay together for that length of time isn’t it? Thanks be to God!
Amen! Thanks be to God, for sure. I don’t believe Canadian Mennonites in your conference had restrictions on the wearing of jewelry as mine did back in the Fifties and Sixties. You are blessed with a man who knows the value of a gem, both the jewelry and the woman he married. 😀
Congrats to you both. A record now of days with modern marriages lasting less than 10 years. I also enjoyed your article.
Thanks for tuning in here, John, both to read and to leave a comment. 😀
The references to Oz and the Emerald City brought a smile to my face, Marian. Here in PA, Dr. Oz is running against John Fetterman for the Senate. Fetterman likes to compare De. Oz to the wizard in the movie. His campaign stickers look a little like your first photo with Dr. Oz in an Emerald Green suit tiptoeing into PA from his home in NJ. I think Fetterman is showing a good sense of humor and will win voters with his imagery and his own deep roots in the state and his passion for the people.
I vaguely remember Dr. Oz as a TV host and before that a cardiologist in green scrubs. Apparently the good doctor will have to pull out some Oz-some magic to defeat his foe, Mr. Fetterman. I’m glad you got a chuckle today, Shirley. 😀
Happy Happy 55th Anniversary. You two are amazing. I remember the chapter in your book when you met. Not surprised you have made it so far. Celebrate in style. xo
You have a great memory, Darlene. And thanks! Of course there have been many trials and triumphs in our 55 years, but as I remember you saying about your mate in the midst of the pandemic, “There’s no one I’d rather be quarantined with than my husband.” Good one!
Happy Emerald Anniversary Marian. That’s a huge milestone and a lot of goodness in it to be celebrating 55 years. Stay blessed. 🙂 x
You are kind to comment, Debby. Thank you! 😀
We just celebrated 36 years yesterday, but Cliff and you have got us beat by a mile. I feel so lucky to be married to such a wonderful woman. When you’re with the right person, even the potholes of life feel like mere bumps in the road.
I saw big smiles of your and your wife yesterday on Facebook, celebrating in style. Happy marriages are rare these days, especially ones that time has tested. Congratulations to you both! 😀
I had never heard of the emerald anniversary either. (Had you?? Sometimes I get ideas for posts just by googling a question.) Quite a collection of quotes, too. The longtimers help all walking that road with companionship, lived examples, and love. I wrote a series last year based on single words that can be applied to marriage: the need for generosity, gratefulness, friendship, pivot-ability, practicality, balance, active listening, dependability and grace. Blessings to you and Cliff!
Obviously, this book did not come from the Menno Media library. Ha!
I’m not sure where I found the Calhoun title, probably from my reading months ago. And, no, I had not heard of the emerald anniversary, but as the years progress, I’m more aware of associations with the higher numbers. (Fifty was gold, but I think sixty is diamond.) Thanks for adding pearls of wisdom here, Melodie! 😀
Hi,
Congratulations on your 55th anniversary. I love most of the statements you have put here, Especially the Bible quotes and the one from Erich Fromm that hits the nail on the head. Love is not a feeling. Feelings are emotion. I enjoy reading some of Fromm’s books. Ingrid and Walter Trobisch, who were missionaries to Cameroon wrote a book entitled Love Is a Feeling To Be Learned. I believe that. It is a decision we make and a commitment that we plan to stick with until death do us part.
All the best for your next 55 years.
Shalom aleichem
Pat, I like that: “Love is a feeling to be learned.” Many young marrieds confuse love with lust, and when the infatuation wanes, they are tempted to stray.
I’m impressed with your reading too. Thank you for adding the Trobisch title–and for showing up here so often. 😀
Congratulations Marian and Cliff. Marriage certainly is a journey and a labour of love, but one with infinite blessings when you stay the course together! xoxo
Thanks for checking in, Jenn. You document some of the ups and downs of marriage on your blog–serious stuff but always with wry humor, and with that sly smile of yours! 😀
How serendipitous for me. Yesterday I attended the wedding celebration of my niece. How wonderful to be present at this milestone as well as celebrating your milestone. Happy Anniversary.
Rebecca, thanks for sending happy chimes my way. I read somewhere that more weddings take place in August than in June, thought traditionally to be the month for weddings. I wonder if that is true in Canada also. 😀
Hello Marian,thanks you so much for your tips.
Many congratulations on your wedding anniversary.Well done to you both for staying the course.
You’re welcome. Thank you for the compliment, Joy.
I wish you joy as you launch your blog. It occurs to me that I’d like to know more about the English way of life in Kent and your own lifestyle. I wonder if you have afternoon tea, enjoy gardening or baking–all topics I’d like hearing about on your blog. Maybe even stories from your nursing experience. Curious readers want to know!
Readers, here is a link to Joy’s website: https://joymlilleyauthor.wordpress.com/author/joymlilleyauthor/
Congratulations 👏 to both of you . That is quite amazing 55 years , doesn’t it go surprising fast when you look back . If I can give any tips from someone who has equally been married quite a while it has to be friendship . Your hubby has to be your best friend .
Cherryx
You hit the nail on the head, Cherry! FRIENDSHIP. My husband is my best friend. I suspect yours is too. So good to hear from Wales today. Thank you. ((( )))
Gorgeous post celebrating long-time love, marriage, commitment, and the desire to walk the same path. Marriage is challenging because we must constantly give to another; we must see the other’s point of view even if we disagree; we must forgive; and most especially, we must never forget (and continue to compliment) the positive we see in each other. “Let the light of love shine within us, and between and amidst us.” That’s my little mantra. Congrats to you and Cliff, Marian. <3
I accept your congratulations–and the words of wisdom, which I can tell are borne of long experience. I especially latched on to this: “We must see the other’s point of view even if we disagree,” which sounds like a mantra for world peace. If only. . .
Thanks so much, Pam! 😀
Happy Anniversary!
Thanks for the good wishes, Bette! 😀
Wow, Marian ~ 55 years! How wonderful! Interesting post. Wishing you and Cliff a great anniversary year and many more.
Thanks for the good wishes, Lorrie! I noticed on Facebook you and Harry having a high, old time on a cruise. Not sure how recently, but you were certainly having fun. Good to hear from you! 😀
Congratulations on your 55th anniversary, Marian! That’s awesome. Hope you had a wonderful celebration 🙂