Sociology professor receives a dire diagnosis
He is stopped in his tracks
He is also a Mennonite pastor
How can he find a path forward?
These four lines describe pastor and professor Conrad Kanagy, a Mennonite author who lives with his family in my childhood hometown, Elizabethtown, Pennsylvania.
Kanagy speaks of his living on “God’s Gifted Time” in an article published in Anabaptist World, November 5, 2021. Although his emphasis is on how the Church must adapt to changing times, he also shares his life-changing experience — “having to release old dreams and embrace what God is shaping him to be now.” His subtitle alludes to his Parkinson’s disease diagnosis and its effect on his current world view and lifestyle.
In His Own Words:
Perhaps my perspective is impacted by recognizing that, due to my diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease four years ago, I, too, am diminishing as I prematurely age. No amount of bargaining for the latest gimmick is going to change that fact. I find myself viewing the horizon as would someone who is 15 to 20 years my senior.
Rather than spending my energy in a flight of denial, I have embraced a foreshortened view of my life and recognized there are things I must release. One of them is my role as a lead pastor [of Elizabethtown Mennonite Church]. Parkinson’s has foreclosed the fulfillment of my dream to carry on another 10 years.
Facing my limitation head-on has enabled me to find a new purpose consistent with the life I must now live. I am far more content and peaceful than if I were to remain in denial. It is a peacefulness gleaned from the words of Henk Stenvers, who writes: “Let us relinquish what is keeping us from heading out.” Kanagy continues quoting with a reminder that “When Jesus is in our boat. . . the storm in us dies down. . . . Going new ways is only possible if we relinquish the fear of an unknown future. . . . We need to return to the content of our faith and place priority on the imitation of Jesus.
Conrad Kanagy recognizes “God’s Gifted Time”:
A couple of years after my Parkinson’s diagnosis, I told our congregation that I had experienced a new conversion to Jesus and a new awareness of God’s love for me. I do not believe this would have occurred without acknowledging that I am living on God’s gifted time. It is much better to choose for God than to forgo the gain we have in Jesus’ resurrection by clinging to what inevitably we must lose.
His Bio (Cited in Anabaptist World)
Conrad L. Kanagy is professor of sociology at Elizabethtown College in Pennsylvania. He is the author of Road Signs for the Journey: A Profile of Mennonite Church USA (2007) and co-author of Winds of the Spirit: A Profile of Anabaptist Churches in the Global South (2012). He is married to Heidi, and together they lead Elizabethtown Mennonite Church. They have a son, Jacob, who is married to Sarah, and a grandson, Ezra.
His books:
* * *
The Truth is . . .
. . . we all have a dire diagnosis. We are human beings, each of us mortal. One day we will die.
Thus, each day we are alive is a gift, whether we recognize it or not.
I have a chronic eye disease. It is treatable, but not curable. According to my doctor, it is a disease that I will probably have to manage for the rest of my life. Though the treatment is painful, I value what it makes possible for me: ability to drive, privilege of reading and writing–and beholding the faces of friends and family!
No doubt, you know someone who has a chronic or incurable disease. It may be someone you love dearly. Maybe the person with the dire diagnosis is you.
Comfort
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
14 God said, “My presence will go with you. I’ll see the journey to the end.”
Have you yourself (or someone you know) had to manage a chronic illness–or dire diagnosis?
Do your views about a dire diagnosis match those of Conrad Kanagy? How are they different?
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Good morning, Marian! Thanks for sharing.
As you say, we’re all mortal!
Thank you–again–for getting us started this morning, Merril. You comment reminds me that some of us have to reckon with our mortality sooner than others. Like you, right now I’m enjoying the gifts of spring, including enthusiastic bird song. 😀
You’re welcome, Marian. 😀
Conrad’s perspective on his diagnosis reminds me very much of a retired pastor’s blog I’ve been following. https://whitehairgrace.com/ She’s been coming to terms with the recurrence of lymphoma.
Liz, thanks so much for commenting and for sharing wise words from the elder. How heartening that when he looks to the horizon, he sees beyond the pain–and even enjoys a trio of deer. Have a good day! 😀
You’re welcome, Marian. I’m glad you enjoyed Martha’s post. I hope you have good day as well! 😀
😀
““When Jesus is in our boat. . . the storm in us dies down. . .that quote brought solace to my soul. Thank you.
Pastor Conrad’s outlook points out that none of our experience is wasted, especially not the hard parts. The hope we have creates empathy for others, I believe.
Thanks for letting me know, Carolyn! 😀
Oh, Marian! Thank you for this post, which is a reminder that some aspects of life are really tough.
My dad has glaucoma, which has been hard. A good friend of mine has Parkinson’s. She has Conrad’s perspective, though some days are more difficult than others. My mother has had bouts of cancer, which often drove me to my knees! I so need God!
One day these loved ones will have resurrected bodies with no more pain and heartache. I just listened to an uplifting song that describes what we need to do in the meantime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5yhHIqsOanI
Blessings to you today, L. Marie! 😀
As you know Marian two of my daughters are battling cancer…One for the second time and my baby girl for the first time ..None of us know what the outcome will be ..my mother is battling dementia she has no short term memory now ..all we can do is know and I love this quote “When Jesus is in our boat..the storm in us dies down” …I see this in how my daughters handle what they are going through…a very thought provoking post, Marian …
Carol, I’m glad you found comfort in the pastor’s perspective. It makes the hard parts of our loved ones’ journeys (and our own) easier to bear. Thanks so very much for sharing. Hugs to you! ((( )))
Thank you for this reminder of our mortality, Marian. At our age it becomes real. Hardy and I have a list of friends who have recently passed away, one just this last week! Hardy had bladder surgery two weeks ago and recovery is so much slower at his age! We hope he will soon be up and about. Like every other season of life, we embrace this one and walk in it with our good shepherd at our side guiding us through the dark valley.
Elfrieda, what a heartfelt reply here. I hope that Hardy’s recovery, though slow, will be complete.
I too am buying more sympathy cards than birthday cards at this stage of life. Even though our bodies weaken, our spirits can remain strong if we nurture them. That’s the trick. . . . and the constant challenge. 😀
Wow – thank you, Marian. The paragraph about facing limitations rather than living in denial, and seeing the inner storm die down as we surrender control to Jesus, puts into words things I’ve experienced myself as a woman diagnosed with a debilitating heart condition in my thirties. Life is really, really hard, but when I reflect back there is a quiet wellness that is not physical and that makes no sense. The past ten years seem more settled than preceding years – I’ve never understood why- and sometimes I question if this can really be so. Reading what Conrad writes about having a new awareness and a new purpose rings true with me. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Holly, thanks for your observations here. Just now I left a comment on your website too. I’m glad you found sympathy and encouragement via Pastor Conrad’s wisdom. We encourage one another, giving us both strength. Blessings, Holly!
Thanks, Marian, for sharing Pastor Kanagy’s story! it is such a heartfelt reminder that our time here is indeed a gift from God.
Toni, thanks so much for adding an “Amen” to Pastor Kanagy’s story here. He will be happy that his experience, though difficult, continues to encourage. 😀
Thank you for introducing us to Pastor Conrad. What a wise man. I would love to sit down and have a conversation with him. He obviously has peace surpassing understanding which is something I’ve been working on the past year. I’ve lived with a chronic disease for over thirty-five years. During that time I’ve had periods of extreme illness along with remission.
Living with this disease makes it easier for me to roll my eyes and tune out the noise that tries to steal my peace. There are a lot of angry people in the world today. I do my best to distance myself from them and to remind myself of the goodness that remains. None of us know how much time we have left, my hope is that people don’t wait until a serious illness strikes to realize that time is a gift.
It’s easy to overlook your physical struggles when I consider that you are the gifted author of at least 6 inspiring novels, and probably more “in the oven.” Your story certainly illustrates that there is no excuse for not using one’s talents and that it is possible to “tune out” negativity.
Thanks, Jill, for the reminder to value the gift of time. Joy and peace to you! 😀
Marian — This quote especially resonates with me: ““Let us relinquish what is keeping us from heading out.”
I like that you picked out one thing: Relinguishing what’s holding us back. You obviously have learned how to kick aside weights (aka distractions) as your literary output attests. Thanks for tuning in, Laurie!
For the last 4+ years I have been living with an incurable blood cancer. I also live with failing kidneys and am not able to get a transplant. Plus yet another form of cancer waiting in the wings to be addressed. This has given me a real gift of insight and finding out just how strong my faith and resilience is. The little things that matter to others are off my radar, while little things taken for granted are celebrated. Letting go and understanding what truly matters [to me] has been a blessing.
What a testimony to the power of the mind and heart to transform one’s priorities. Your comment has made me realize I must look at my life through the prism of eternity, not just the here and now, all temporal. As I tap these words I’m saying a prayer for you, Ginger, strength and comfort now and in the days ahead. Thank you! 😀
I love the attitude of this pastor. He is a great example to us all. We have just lost, very suddenly, our Mennonite Aunt. She was so well loved in our family (married to my mom’s only brother) She was a mother of 11, grandmother of 30 and great grandmother of three. She was only 73 years old. We are all in shock, but I know her strong faith will sustain her large, loving family. “When Jesus is in our boat..the storm in us dies down” … I needed that today. Thanks.
My condolences to you on the death of your sweet aunt. You said “only 73,” and I think that age is young too. What a legacy she has left behind–a host of children and grandchildren to follow her example. Someone else posted the comfort of these words: “When Jesus is in our boat..the storm in us dies down.” Oh, the power of strong words! I hope you have a good evening. Thanks, Darlene. 😀
I will comment on an acquaintance–well known in writing circles who faced a dire diagnosis with an unshakeable optimism. He went to the same swimming hole we did–the pool at Virginia Mennonite Retirement Community Wellness Center here in Harrisonburg. He had a brain tumor, some surgery, and hoped with all his being to get back to swimming and working out and living the life of a columnist, beloved grandfather, radio jock, 50’s music aficionado. When he and his wife came to just check on friends at VMRC, Jim remained positive about returning, and meanwhile his wife was shaking her head …. no. Not going to happen. It is a serious tumor and growing. But why not go down with such a healthy attitude, as with Conrad’s. Jim kept joking and punning till the end, in my estimation, and kept the rest of us hoping with him. Rest in peace Jim Bishop: a comrade and competition in writing newspaper columns.
I remember Jim’s service to the college and his upbeat attitude. It shows here in the EMU memorial tribute to him, arms crossed, head lifted, a radiant smile on his face: https://emu.edu/now/news/2022/in-memoriam-jim-bishop-emus-public-information-officer-for-40-years/
I’m glad you posted something here I missed seeing before. People like Journalist Jim give us a model to follow when faced with a dire diagnosis. Actually, we all have such a diagnosis, but we just don’t know when. Thanks, Melodie! 😀
Thanks for sharing this article……..I always read what Jim Bishop wrote in the former Mennonite Weekly
I didn’t realize he died of a brain tumor. I appreciated what you wrote about about Conrad. His attitude is so very encouraging 🙂 My husband had esophageal cancer in 2008 and it was a very difficult time for us but thank the Lord he is still on this earth and I am very grateful. I also deal with neuropathy in my feet and dry eyes since 2010. With Jesus in our boat the storm dies in us 🙂 Keep writing !!
Hello, Bertha. Thanks for reading and commenting here. I am happy your husband’s struggle had a good outcome. Yes, with Jesus in our boat, we can be victorious no matter what. 😀
An inspiring post, Marian. Thanks for sharing…
Thank you for reading and acknowledging it here, Bette! 😀
Conrad’s perspective seems like the best approach to me. Let go of the things that are no longer doable while embracing the things we still can do to the best of our abilities.
Exactly! Conrad’s perspective is sensible. And it even could be considered simple. However, I don’t think it has been easy. He probably had to develop this approach over time, letting go of dreams and expectations before coming to a place of peace.
Thanks for weighing in, Pete. 😀
Marian, thank you and Pastor Conrad for an inspiring post. You’ve both given us much to think about and pray on. Between Bob and me, we have different chronic problems. We’ve had to learn to live with them and to let go of that which we can no longer do. Yes, there are times we’ve been angry we couldn’t participate in something our family was doing, but we went along anyway and enjoyed seeing the others having fun! And it wasn’t all that hard, especially since they are our loved ones. What an enriching read this was! I’ve bookmarked it so I may read it again and again.
Oh, the power of words, especially wise ones. I hope Pastor Kanagy will read this and feel gratified at how God is using his hard experience to encourage readers here. No experience for the Christian is wasted in God’s economy, which scripture proves: Philippians 4:12-13
King James Version: 12 “I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: . . . , both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”
Sherrey, thank you for letting us know how this post inspires you and Bob. Blessings! 😀
This is a good reminder that this life is finite. The wonderful news is that we are eternal and this life passes into our eternal life with God. Thanks for the reminder. ❤️
AMEN to that, Colleen. We need reminders; otherwise, we forget that we are pilgrims traveling through to our eternal home one day.
It’s so good to hear from you. 😀
This post really made me think. I just feel Pastor Kanagy’s peace flowing off the page – I mean that. It can not be easy to truly “release old dreams.” For many with serious illnesses, “there is always hope.” Not only can he see that he shouldn’t squander time and energy on something immovable, he is able to recalibrate and focus on a “new purpose” in his life instead. That is amazing to me. With his faith and sense of peace, he will achieve many good things in his remaining time. I know it.
Melanie, I think you detect his expressing “peace that passes all understanding.” Like you, I sense that he will accomplish more in the time remaining because he is reckoning with this mortality now. What a lesson for me to make the most of every day, and not take my time, my gifts, and my loved ones for granted.
Thanks for speaking up here. Your thoughts certainly resonate with mine. 😀
Thank you Marian. 🤗
I have known a few people with the dire diagnosis. They have all attacked life with renewed vigour after the diagnosis. It does inspire an attitude of gratitude, interestingly. An appreciation for what is.
I value your thoughts, and I’m sure Conrad will also when he reads the comments here. He inspires us all to Seize the Day, and–as you say–appreciate what IS. Thanks, Arlene! 😀
“I am far more content and peaceful than if I were to remain in denial.”
I love that line because it aligns with my own thoughts about how to live my life. You gotta deal with what is, not what you wish it was. It’s not easy, of course. Bodies and people betray us, but ever onward we go. Pastor Kanagy is a wise man.
I like how you (and each reader) adaptes his message to their own life. I agree, there’s wisdom here. Thanks, Ally! 😀
Hi Marian, thank you for sharing this inspiring story of Pastor Kanagy. It is not easy to come to terms with a life shortened unexpectedly by illness. I didn’t know you had a chronic eye condition. Thank goodness it is treatable. My son, Michael, suffers from a chronic sinus condition and asthma.
I remember your mentioning Michael chronic sinus condition. As my grandma L. used to say, “One has this, and one has that!” Not to gloss over the seriousness of each condition, what’s important is how we react to it. I believe you are still searching for solutions for Michael, as you hope for a miracle. I’m glad Mr. Kanagy’s message resonated with you, Robbie! 😀
A profound and poignant reflection, Marian. A reminder that we will have many journeys over our lifetime, each one offering a way in which to understand our gift of being alive and participating in the grander journey of all time.
Thanks for offering your wise insights, Rebecca. I’m glad Conrad’s wise words spoke to you. 😀
Thank you for sharing this story about Pastor Kanagy – it’s a reminder of what to be thankful for, today.
Yes, indeed. As we get distracted with busy-ness, it’s good to remember to be thankful for our blessings. Thanks, Barbara! 😀
Thank you Marian for sharing Dr Conrad’s view on life and for the scriptures. I just wanted to comment now; I’ll be looking at your post tomorrow to read it fully . Also to read the comments and your responses ..
It’s late at night in South Africa. You are smart to pace yourself. I thank you for checking in now and look forward to your returning tomorrow, Susan! 😀
I know dire diagnosis well Marian. God bless the lovely Pastor. So much sadness in the world, for everyone suffers something. Like my husband always said, let’s remember to be grateful for every day we wake because we’re on the right side of the green. <3
Your husband was a wise “warrior,” speaking truth with humor. I know you miss him terribly. Gratitude goes a long way toward softening the suffering.
I hope you had a restful vacation; maybe it’s not over yet! That would be a good thing.
Blessings! 😀
I love this phrase: “Living on God’s gifted time” and I love this pastor’s spirit and his ability to look mortality in the eye. It’s not easy, but with his faith, new powers came in. A good friend close to my age has Parkinson’s and it’s hard watching the struggle of her life and all that must be given up, including her home. Even harder, a woman younger than my sons who I’ve known since she was born has been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis and already has severe symptoms. It’s hard for her to surrender to her destiny at a young age, but she will learn how with the support of those who love her. This life is full of heartache–and that’s also part of God’s plan.
Be well, Marian. I know the eye treatment you endure is difficult and I’m so glad it works although I imagine that, like my cochlear implant, it’s a diminished substitute for what used to be. .
Like you, I am watching the ravages of Parkinson’s disease up close and personal. My son-in-law’s father was diagnosed while he was still practicing medicine. He probably expected a different retirement from what he is experiencing now, struggling with speaking, walking, and eating. It’s hard for son Joe to observe, but he takes his dad to therapy and helps out in other ways too.
You said it so well: “looking mortality in the eye” and making adaptations as we both must do. There’s an art to it, and both you and I are getting practice learning this skill. Thanks for your insights. As always, it’s great to hear from you, Elaine! 😀
Mortality has been on my mind too as we have witnessed the deaths of dear friends and the heroic struggles of others with chronic conditions. We no longer take health and long lIfe for granted! Conrad Kenagy reminds me of our neighbors Jon and Ervin. One had Parkinson’s and lived 20 years with it, blessing all who knew him. The other was able to enter remission from a cancer diagnosis after many procedures.
Welcome back from Sorrento and the Amalfi coast. Italy has always been one of our most memorable trips, and I can tell you are basking in the memories, and possibly tired.
Even though our energy wanes, Cliff and I continue to enjoy good health and grieve for those who have struggled–and their families too. Your comment reminds me of Michael J. Fox’s words in his recent memoir, No Time Like the Future: An Optimist Considers His Own Mortality. He says, “The key to walking to the other side of the room is not being there but getting there.” In other words, don’t get ahead of yourself. Savor the moments–good advice, I think. Thanks, Shirley. :=D