Two Kingdoms, One Preferred
“Illness is the night-side of life, a more onerous citizenship. Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we prefer to use only the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves in the kingdom of that other place.” Susan Sontag, quoted in Illness as Metaphor (3)
Cover art: “Hercules Combating the Hydra”
Cliff enters the Kingdom of the Sick
For decades, my husband has inhabited the kingdom of the well. For most of his life, Cliff has warded off infections and stayed healthy even during the COVID pandemic.
Now in his eighties, he has been working out at the gym three times a week. Still, because of a combination of family history, advanced age and other factors, Cliff was obliged to use his dual passport and identify himself “in the kingdom of that other place,” as Susan Sontag imaginatively puts it in her monograph, Illness as Metaphor.
* * *
Because the procedure affects the lungs, Cliff was urged to take deep breaths with a breath indicator (spirometer) to strengthen the lungs and guard against pneumonia (practiced before surgery and following).
As the hour for surgery approached, the patient was trying to be brave, projecting the V for Victory sign, but his face shows otherwise.
During the procedure, the operating room staff, a diverse group, signaled progress on an ever-changing digital bulletin.
Our son Joel noted progress too as he worked on his computer. We followed the process from “In progress–> Wrapping up–>Procedure completed.” Simultaneously, personnel also gave me text messages: “Patient is doing well” an hour into the 3-hour process even though I knew brutal (though life-saving) procedures may be going on inside the operating theatre.
No rest for the weary: The day after operation, the patient was up and walking, at first with assistance.
Ah, time to hydrate!
At first, food was broth and Jello, a gelatin which tried to slither off the spoon more than once. Then, solid food came–hallelujah!
English poet John Milton has wisely stated, “They also serve who only stand and wait.” There was plenty of waiting. I felt like both a bystander and participant in the medical drama unfolding.
A heliport outside the window stood ready to receive emergencies. During our stay, I never saw any flights.
The Goal of This Patient: Permission to Go Home. After 5 full days, Cliff was released the next day to leave the hospital.
Convalescence at Home
Initial recovery from cardiac bypass surgery usually takes 6 weeks. More healing occurs in the next 6-12 week interval. In the early days, I joked, to Cliff “You’ve been a free-range chicken for a long, long time; now you’re a sitting duck.” He thought that was funny probably because he has a sense of humor and because he has hope to be free ranging again.
Takeaways
- We found the diagnosis and proposed treatment unsettling. Very much so. Years earlier in 2021, doctors were inconclusive concerning Cliff’s heart test results. Back then, coronary bypass surgery was an operation that happened to other people, so we thought. Subsequent questions this year fell into the same category, inconclusive, at first. Doctors and nurses asked the question, “Do you have chest pain or shortness of breath?” Expecting the answer to be “Yes,” instead of Cliff’s self-assured “No,” we detected a 4-second pause, which we learned to equate with incredulity. “You don’t have pain in your chest?” “You’re not short of breath?” How come? they must have wondered.Then came a heart catheterization, a minimally invasive procedure that captures images of the heart and arteries. This time the results seemed dire. Cliff now needed other options, possibly serious treatment very soon.
- We, as an artist and writer, found ourselves intensely immersed in the workings of a medical community foreign to us. In this world, precise techniques and measurable outcomes are noted on digital files. Numbers, not mere words, reign in medicine.
- In home visits after the surgery: Two registered nurses and one physical therapist paid regular visits early on. In the coming weeks, Cliff will have other cardio exercises at anther facility. How thankful we have been for health insurance that covers those expenses and others.
- We enjoyed food from Meal Train – an organized effort where friends take turns preparing and delivering meals to a family experiencing a major life event.”
This service is of immense help to caregivers whose time is required to assist the recovering patient. Who has energy to shop for groceries and fix meals when the patient needs help with daily routines? Volunteers from our church signed up online and suggested their menus; for example, salmon, veggies, and potatoes (low salt). Those who weren’t sure, used “TBA” to indicate food choices. That way, menus were varied and not duplicated.
- We experienced “Visitor Lite” – Well wishes who came didn’t stay long, a good policy during recovery from serious illness.
- We have tried to live life one day at a time—good advice no matter what your age or medical condition.
Sir William Osler, a Canadian physician and co-founder of Johns Hopkins Hospital, gave wise advice to graduates in a Yale University commencement address. Osler referenced English author Thomas Carlyle when he said this: work steadily towards fulfillment in life by taking the world in strict 24-hour increments, letting neither yesterday nor tomorrow be a worry today.
In other words, let go of dead yesterdays and unborn tomorrows. (Dr. Osler called such thinking “Life in day-tight compartments.”)
Our Amazing Heart
The heart, a four-chambered organ, beats about 100,000 times per day.
This amazing pump, powered by electrical impulses, ceaselessly squeezes blood through the body, supplying energy. When something goes wonky with this intricate system, however, one needs medical intervention.
On a follow-up visit, I told our surgeon Dr. Bates (chief of cardio-thoracic surgery at Baptist Heart Hospital) that he is skilled as both medical plumber and electrician—exquisitely so. I meant it as a compliment, of course. He managed a sly smile.
The Body, Amazing
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. KJV
Have you, or someone you know, experienced a serious medical condition?
Can you add to the takeaways I’ve listed?
What has provided balm during the experience of illness–either for you or someone else?
Thank you for reading! I value our connection here: I will return sometime in October.
Whoa. What an ordeal. Thank you for sharing. God bless and keep you both in good care.
Thanks for your good wishes, Melodie. It keeps us going! 😀
How wonderful to see Cliff and hear his message. I am convinced a good attitude and sense of humour aid to speedy recovery. I am so glad to hear the procedure went well and I know he will be up and about soon. Hugs to both the patient and the care giver. ❤️❤️
Yes, a good attitude goes a long way. Still, the healing can’t be rushed. Cliff is getting better enough he wishes it would speed up. Healing happens slowly. Good wishes like yours help! 😀
Please tell Mr Cliff that Angel and her fam are praying for him. Love y’all bunches!!
I will definitely tell him, Angel. Thank you! 😀
Hi Marian, I wondered what was happening in your world as you’d been quiet for a while. I’m glad to know Cliff has had the procedures and is on the recovery path. I’m also glad you are getting good support within your community. All the best to you both.
We have had wonderful support from friends and neighbors even. Fortunately too our two children live in our city, which helps also. Thanks for commenting here once again, Robbie! 😀
I’m thankful Cliff is on the mend. We’ve noticed, as unwellness settles in for the long haul (for both of us), all the blessings surrounding us that we’d taken for granted. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Yes, we have wonderful support, but the Great Physician is the ultimate healer. I know you speak from experience, Joy.
On another note, I have subscribed to your blog, but I don’t seem to be getting your posts. Any advice? Maybe you can add my email manually. I don’t want to miss new posts! 😀
Oh Marian! I’m so glad you gave us this update on Cliff. Continued prayers for your family! What a blessing to have a good community! 🕊️
My friend Steven had this surgery years ago. He’s doing well.
Both of my parents went through bouts of cancer. A friend is going through cancer treatment now.
Yes, we have heard good reports about recovery from heart surgery, which is reassuring. Thanks for adding to the support. And, as always, friends, yours and mine, are on the list for our care.
Good to hear from you again, L. Marie! 😀
Sending blessings to you both!
Thank you, Jack, for caring! 😀
Good morning, Marian! I’m not first responder today, but I am a happy one to see all is going well. I was thinking about you both yesterday, but I didn’t want to impose. Thank you for giving all of us a window into Cliff’s sick kingdom. And thank you to Cliff for sharing his experience here. Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Sending hugs to you both!
Yes, I had Cliff’s permission to post this. Now that I think of it, the post could be something of a blueprint for those with similar surgery. Everyone’s experience is unique though.
Huge thanks for the good wishes and double hugs, Merril. I’ll let Cliff know. 😀
You’re welcome, Marian! 😊
Keep well!
I love the way you sprinkle literary quotes into this story of modern medicine. Congrats to Cliff for being a good patient and to you for patient care giving. You know Stuart’s cancer journey from my blog three years ago. He is getting good reports every six months. If this continues until the end of next year, we will be able to use the term “cancer free.” We are all going down the valley one by one, but we hope and pray for long and healthy journeys.
Reading books and finding literary quotes is one way I cope with my experiences, Shirley. You of all people understand that.
I rejoice that Stuart’s reports are good and we hope and pray they will continue to be so. Certainly cause for celebration–now and in the future! Thanks too for mentioning the old hymn. I found a rendition on YouTube with quirky visuals–haha! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQCyiHDpD0g :
God bless you both throughout this journey.
Thank you for this heart-warming wish, Linda! ((( )))
I’m very glad to hear that Cliff’s procedures went well, and he is home and on the road to recovery. Those hospital vigils are so, so hard.
“Hospital vigils” is the perfect expression to describe our recent experience. Thank you, Liz! 😀
You’re welcome, Marian!
I’m so glad that the procedure went well and that Cliff is on the way rmto recovery.
After Peter’s cancer diagnosis in 2016, the chemo and radiotherapy in early 2017 and a couple of follow-up operation afterwards, I now only too well how anxious you both must have been about this operation. You have both shown great resilience and bravery again and I wish you all the best, now and always.
You have walked this hard path too, Fatima. And you understand completely how difficult it can be. And energy-sapping too. I hope Peter is doing well now. I wish you both all the best. Thanks so much for taking the time to tap your reply here–much appreciated. 😀
It sounds like things went very successfully for Cliff. I’ve never had bypass surgery, but I’ve had a pacemaker for three years now, due to a low pulse rate. (They’re good for about 15 years before you replace the battery.) It’s doing it’s job so well, that the only time I think about my heart is when I’m in the shower rubbing soap across my scar. I wasn’t aware of the play by play they can give the patient’s loved ones. That is a great feature.
You are not a toy, Pete, but you are battery powered. Ha!
If you have to have heart help, so much is available now to give one a better quality of life. And this hospital is aware of loved ones’ anxiety during the procedure and addresses it with visual updates.
Thanks for sharing your story, Pete. 😀
“Old age isn’t for the faint of heart”… as your editor I am hoping you explore and maybe share your feelings about this whole business of how you feel when someone you love dearly is very ill. I remember when my husband was very sick…even years later, I was angry and at the same time relieved when he got sick and passed away at 47 from cancer. My memoir Again in a Heartbeat really did little justice to what I was feeling although I hope I conveyed he was the love of my life.
I absolutely know that John was the love of your life. You have conveyed that brilliantly in your book and in your blog posts.
About sharing my own feelings on a loved one’s illness. That’s a novel thought for me right now. I think I’m too close to the situation at the moment to make sense of it. Things will have to settle down a little before I explore those feelings. Even recognize them.
Right now, I’m just trying to get through each day–like tomorrow, two doctors’ appointments and everyday stuff like meals and laundry. But you’ve planted a seed, so thanks for that, Susan. 😀
Marian! I’m so glad you’re checking in with us and sharing Cliff’s journey in photos and quotes, a video and some amazing story-telling, too. I took it all in. It was scary when you mentioned the results of the catheterization; he needed more serious treatment soon. And I understand entering a world in which you are completely unfamiliar. You might as well be walking on the moon.
But you’re home! And Cliff’s home and doing so well. That’s the best news. And I’m thrilled you are part of a meal service, you have enough caregiving to do!!!! ❤️ We’ll see you back here in October; continued great blessings.
Yes, I might as well be walking on the moon. Well said, Melanie.
Cliff had a stent put into one artery back in 1999, but that seemed such a simple procedure and we moved on. And then this: I have recognized our experience now as significant for others who may be surprised at having to take this journey in the future. So, I decided to break my blog hiatus and write about it.
You are so good at intuiting my feelings and intentions. Thank you so very much for your comment here. 😀
I love that you realized sharing these details may help others. And you are exactly right. And thanks for your kind words. 😊
When I was in nursing school many years ago, I was agnostic, almost an atheist. One day I was assigned to observe an open heart bypass surgery on a 74-year-old man. The surgeon invited me to stand on a footstool at the patient’s head, where I could get a good view of the procedure — “As long as you promise not to faint,” he said. I assured the cardiologist that I was not a fainter. Then I watched in amazement as he cut open the chest cavity and retracted the rib cage, revealing the man’s heart. As I stared at that pumping, beating heart, flanked by billowing, breathing lungs, this thought came to me: “How did this evolve all by itself out of nothing?” Today, I am a Christ follower, happily married to a Chaplain who has survived 2 heart attacks. God works in amazing ways!
Linda Lee, your comment was so heartfelt–and reassuring.
A beating heart is proof of the truth that God made our hearts and bodies–we truly are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Thank you so much for retelling the story of your experience in the operating room and how it led to a spiritual awakening. Awesome indeed! 😀
Dear Marian and Cliff, Your way of visualizing two kingdoms is an amusing way to bring up the events of the past weeks/months.
I’m thankful for being able to hear Cliff’s hearty message and to read and see all your observations about going through such anxious moments.
The heart is amazing, and you might enjoy thinking about the heart as something bigger than a pump.
If interested, one person you could google is Dr. Thomas Cowan.
I love you and thank you for this and all the inspiration you share.
Thank you for such a heartfelt message, Dolores. I appreciate your comments here.
I did Google Dr. Thomas Cowan and discovered he has practiced alternative medicine and is a somewhat controversial figure now. Cliff takes vitamins regularly and also Vinia, a supplement to boost blood flow and increase circulation. Traditional medicine only goes so far.
Thank you for your good wishes. I wish all the best for you and your family as well! 😀
So happy Cliff is back at home with you and doing well! Give him a gentle squeeze!
I talked to a 106 year old (107 in October) today at supper. I could not believe her age. She didn‘t look or act that age! Told me all about her interesting history!
As I tap these words, I pray the transition to your new home will be easier than you imagine and that your former home will sell to the right family at the right time.
And I like your idea of a “gentle squeeze.” Maybe it will have to be a side hug. Ha!
I’m happy you were regaled with tales from an almost 107-year-old. Thanks for telling us about it and for your good wishes, Elfrieda! 😀
Thank you Dear CareGiver for your time and effort to share part of my new journey of unknowns to hopeful energetic healing.
Thank you readers and commenters for following Marian’s creative and sometimes unique blog posts. To be in the spotlight, especially in a hospital gown without make up or fixing my hair 🙂 is rather humbling, but it seems as it’s another story of life to be shared. One phrase I came up with as I was in the hospital: If you have to go to the hospital you lose your M-odesty, which then the M turns upside down into a W, which then means W-ait !!
Thank you again for many who have prayed. Prayer is not just a recitation but a connection to the One Who hears and skillfully knitted each of us in a womb, to carry out life’s purpose (Psalm 139:13)
Thanks for extending the conversation here from your viewpoint, my dear. I remember the “M” and “W” reference when you said it first in the hospital. I look forward to the day when you feel you have “recovered”! 😀
Wishing you and your husband the best as he continues to heal. 🙏
A hearty welcome to my blog, Lori. I appreciate the good wishes for Cliff’s healing. Do visit again. 😀
Oh my! You have had an adventure! Thankful that our Great Physician has watched over the process and praying for healing and patience in the days ahead. My Mom didn’t get great news at her last oncology appointment and is waiting for surgery, but we know Who watches over us and I’m trusting Him to keep her in the palm of His hand. Love and blessings to you both.
Oh, Jenn, healing and patience are two qualities I need in the days ahead!
And about your Mother, If surgery is the best option for her, I hope it is effective. MAY THE GREAT PHYSICIAN keep your Mom in the palm of his Hand! I appreciate so much your sharing this prayer request with us. ((( )))
Still praying for Cliff and for you.
Recovery is slow but steady. Thank you, Bonnie! 😀
Sending Cliff healing vibes and patience for you both, Marian…as both healing and caring do need plenty of that in my experience…lol
Carol, I think you speak from experience when you say “both healing and caring do need plenty of patience.” I am experiencing that first-hand. In spite of food deliveries and help from my daughter, the care-giving can be exhausting. Thanks for chiming in! 😀
🙏🩷💙
Wonderful news Marian. I’m glad to hear Cliff aced his surgery and is on the road to recovery! 🥰
Thank you, Debby. And Shana Tova to you! 😀
Hi Marian,
Thanks for sharing Cliff’s recent path “on the other side” and letting us know how you both are doing. I’m so very happy that the surgery went well and that he’s on his way to recovery. Not fun times at all, but you two will get through them with your usual v love, humor, and patience. Plus, you have a comfortable home, a helpful community, and a caring family close by.
Having experienced some heart pains lately (and trying to ignore them), this post hit home as well. You know we went though a big health scare when Mark had cancer in 2014, but other than that, our health issues have been minor.
Hugs and healing vibes to you and Cliff!
Thank for your affirmations here. We so very much appreciate them. Cliff is getting stronger every day, but the process from his perspective is super slow. He can’t drive yet and has to sleep on a recliner. But mostly he understands the restrictions.
About your heart pains. Once I complained to my doctor about them (at about your age). It turns out I had either exercised improperly or lifted something too heavy. I didn’t have shortness of breath though, one of the markers of heart disease. Of course you should have it checked. I hope it’s nothing but everyday “wear and tear..” ((( )))
I was able to comment on Facebook but not here until now. Been thinking of you both daily. So hard to be the patient, but also, I know, at times even harder to be the loved one watching and waiting. You both did a tremendous job. So glad Cliff is healing day by day. That’s the way to live life. <3
Pam, I have no idea why WordPress resists you, one of the kindest women I know–haha! Seriously, sometimes I have to use a different browser (Safari or Firefox, say, instead of Chrome.) Anyway your comment came through loud and clear here & now.
At our last checkup, our doctor commented about weeks (until Cliff can drive) and MONTHS for complete healing. He resists the notion but understands it in his head. Two different modes entirely!
I feel worn out, but I know life will get a little easier eventually. It’s as much an emotional toll as a physical one, I’m sure.
Thanks for persisting with your comment. You are a dear! ((( )))
Thank you for sharing Cliff’s surgery and recovery with us, Marian. I am so glad he is on the mend. 🧡🧡🧡
Thanks for the good wishes, Barbara. He walks every day and even fixed breakfast for me this morning. Still, recovery, he thinks, is slow! We are looking forward to the 6-week milestone, coming soon. 😀
Small steps lead to the big ones. I’m so glad Cliff is on the mend. 🤗
😀