When I was a plain, ten-year-old girl, I wanted to looked like Mary. My big brown eyes turned green with envy when Mary Martin and her sister Evelyn walked through the door at Grandma Fannieβs house for holiday dinners. Both were elegantly turned out, resplendent in clothes I could only imagine wearing.
I describe these longings in my memoir Mennonite Daughter:
This Easter, two years later, I watched intently for the entrance of two of my dadβs cousins, Mary and her sister Evelyn, nicknamed βHoney,β both decked out in fancy frocks, not like the plain duds I had been wearing since my baptism at Bosslerβs Mennonite Church at age ten. They wore elegance: swooshy taffeta, rayon, or silk.
Mary walked in first with a chic outfit and open-toed shoes to match. Peacock-blue silk crisscrossed her chest, revealing a sweetheart neckline. I guessed she must be wearing a poufy petticoat under her swirly skirt, in contrast to her sisterβs green one, which hugged her legs skin-tight. I was learning to sew now, but I couldnβt imagine finding dress patterns from Simplicity or McCallβs that looked like these, ones that could have come from Vogue. Grandmaβs niece Mary, a member of the Assembly of God Church, had license to be stylish.
As they paraded through the front door, a picture of myself dressed up like that flickered in my imagination. I could never wear such bright colors, but I could compensate another way. I could create something beautiful. For now, I would content myself with stitching a design on a pillow top for my bed: a dazzling peacock fashioned from glossy strands of violet, scarlet, and ochre, already emerging from my embroidery hoops at home.
Excerpt From Marian Longenecker Beaman’s, Mennonite Daughter
Mary Martin married Howard Landis (senior) in her late teens. She loved her Aunt Fannie Longenecker and cousin Ruth, and she and Howard visited their house on Anchor Road often. This is how I picture them in those days.
I had the rare privilege of dropping in on Mary Landis, cousin Howardβs mother, when we visited Springfield, Missouri in July. She lives now in Maranatha Village, where visitors get to converse with residents outdoors under a canopy.
Of course, I didnβt expect Mary to recognize me, but I was ecstatic when I opened my memoir to the full-page photo of my Grandma. βAh, thatβs Aunt Fannie!β she exclaimed with a broad smile. She stared lovingly at the picture.
We talked about Grandma for a while and then I began to read a few paragraphs from the memoir chapter titled βEaster and Politics,β where her and her sisterβs outfits are described in the excerpt above.
Before we left, Mary grinned when she showed me her pretty nails, painted pink.
***
Some time ago, Mary enjoyed lunch with son Howard and Faythe and his sister Sandi (Landis) Bongiorno, whom I met just before we left Missouri for Florida.
If you missed last week’s post, you can find it here: Trip to Missouri.
Have you re-discovered friends or relatives you knew in earlier days?
How have you found them–the Internet? visit to your hometown?
That’s so wonderful that you managed to meet up after all those years! I find that Social Media is a great way to get in touch with long lost friends and family. πβ€
Good morning, Fatima, first responder. Yes, indeed, without Facebook, I would not have met Howard, and met again his mother Mary. Thank for your bright and early comment! π
Good morning, Marian! How lovely that you got to meet with your relatives again! And extra special that you got to show them your memoir. π
We saw some relatives for my cousin’s 90th birthday a few weeks ago, and at the small party, she had Zoom meetings with other family members (including her and my mom’s cousin who is over 100 years old).
I enjoy the family meetings I observe on your Facebook and blog pages, Merril. Also, I think you had a lunch recently in honor of your mother. We get together these days . . . guardedly. . . but grateful nonetheless! π
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Another great story. You have the most interesting interactions with people. One day, I hope to be one of them!
We’ve been to Toronto, Montreal, and Quebec City, but not Ottawa yet. When that happens we will have a meetup for sure, Arlene! π
YEAH, once again, I’m on board with your weekly broadcasts. Don’t know what happened to the connection, but many thanks for getting me reconnected Marian. Several months ago, myself and two first cousins made plans to visit the only remaining second cousin on the paternal side of the family.
Unfortunately, she and her husband both became ill and we had to cancel our visit. Instead, we took a road trip to Warner Robins, GA and visited another first cousin. The four of us had a delightful time sharing and reconnecting our lives up to the present day.
Next year is a big year for several of us with birthdays ending with a “0” and thought it appropriate to try and bring the remaining 15 first cousins together once again for fun, food and fellowship at our grandparents old home place and reminisce around the literal ‘well’ where we all drank cool spring water pulled up with a tin bucket and drank from the same ladle; all still living to tell about it. Thanks for sharing your wonderful memories, Marian.
To my friend who always has a Plan B, this time with a road trip to Warner Robins, GA to visit another first cousin. You have a knack for hospitality, planning ahead to bring friends and relatives together. I’m glad a cool spring with a tin bucket is part of your plan for birthdays next year. Thanks for sharing all this enthusiasm here, Carolyn! :_)
You are dramatizing the benefits of writing and publishing a memoir, Marian. It’s portable and has pictures, and you can take it with you on your travels. I know the feelings of jealousy for all the beautiful clothes other people wore — and their role in pulling me toward beauty also.
Portable with pictures, a phrase that perfectly describes both of our memoirs, Shirley. π
I remember at one point in the arduous process thinking, “How would I feel if I didn’t publish my memoir?” That spurred me on–no regrets now. Yes, we have traveled similar paths to discover beauty, one thing that sustains us during these troubling times. Thanks!
Hi Marian, what a lovely meeting you had with Mary and it is lovely that she was interested in your memoir. Thank you for sharing more interesting information about your family.
I’m glad you enjoy the reminiscences here, Robbie. Though we are separated by continents, we share an appreciation for friends–and family!
My mom was like you, Marian. Her mother (my grandmother) became extremely conservative about makeup and clothes in her later years, but my mother always longed for beauty and kept all of us dressed to a T. No one would have guessed that our clothes were made from MCC hand me downs or the thrift store. In Momβs later years, when most of us had flown the coop, she sewed outfits for my youngest sister from patterns my sister brought her, She always looked gorgeous!
Undoubtedly, your mother was an artist with fabric. No matter how conservatively one is brought up, the love of beauty seems persistent. Hats off to her for making fashion statements with MCC hand-me-downs. Wow!
Thanks for sharing your story here, which meshes so very well with the theme today, Elfrieda.
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A friend of mine from the old days whom I used to babysit got in touch with me via Facebook awhile back, and we’re in daily (very odd) correspondance. There are YouTube videos about corn, the history of the British royal family, and a greedy woodchuck named Chunk who apparently has become a star. You get the picture . . . π
I know what you mean. Facebook makes possible odd couplings. That’s how I got in touch with my second cousin–and also you with someone you babysat perhaps decades ago. It seems that age gaps that seemed so enormous years ago don’t seem to matter that much anymore, I’m guessing that’s true of you and your Facebook friend too.
Your mention of YouTube videos reminds me that some seem pointless while others less so. Maybe looking at a greedy woodchuck is stress-relieving for some. Probably not me though. Thanks for weighing today, Liz.
I’m five years older than he is. I first started babysitting him in 1966! We go back a very long way . . .
So, Liz, your re-acquaintance is with a man–how interesting! π
The last time I saw him was when he was in college back in the early ’80s.
Wow!
I love stories such as this one, Marian. I can imagine the look of pleasure on your face when she recognized Aunt Fannie. This wouldn’t have happened without your effort to reach out.
I also enjoyed reading about how beautifying the pillow took the place of wearing bright clothing for you. Did you recognize this at the time, or was it something you understood better as you got older?
Howard Landis, Mary’s son, made the arrangements, but I certainly was game for the encounter even though I knew she may not recognize me, a 10-year-old when she was about to be married. I wasn’t surprised though when she recognized my Grandma, whom I knew she adored. Yes, I was thrilled!
About your question, I think writing memoir has clarified my youthful motivations. I’m still in the process of understanding memory. Writer Elizabeth Loftus has said that memory is not necessary fixed, “not a place way back there that is preserved in stone, but a living thing that changes shape, expands, shrinks, and expands again, an amoeba-like creature.β Writing memoir later in life has given me a long view, a good thing.
Thanks for the penetrating question, Pete, and making me think! π
Hi Marian, Thanks again for a delightful blog, including your description of my Mother and her impact on you as a young girl. Iβm so glad she responded so quickly to the photo of her Aunt Fannie during your visit with her. The photo of Faythe, Sandi, and me, with Mom, was taken about two years ago while she was still living somewhat more independent at Maranatha Village.
Oh, thanks for popping in, Howard. I saw the restaurant photo just recently on your FB page and didn’t pay attention to the fact that it was a “memory.” I’m struck by how much your sister favors your Mom in her younger years.
I hope you are having a grand time in California, where you have so many friends. You are a “natural” at enjoying life. π
Well, that was a nice side kick of your trip, Marian. Rekindling with a relative you wrote about and talking about family. I hope Mary gets a chance to read your book. It is fun and interesting to read about yourself unexpectedly. I often forget that I wrote about a few characters and I wonder how they feel when they read about themselves. Some will never (get to) read my book, which I find sad. Iβve found some old school friends through Facebook and Iβve also had people contact me after reading an article by me or about me in a magazine.
Yes, one benefit of publishing a book is the connections it makes possible. Like you, old school friends emerged. Some came to a book signing in Pennsylvania: several high school friends and one I’ve known since first grade.
I like your new author photo, Liesbet, the blue reflecting the sea in PLUNGE. π
Thanks for noticing my new avatar, Marian. It was the favorite choice of many people when I put a Facebook poll out, but I didnβt like it enough to become my main author photo. π
I know the feeling. My newest avatar looks too school-marm-ish for my taste. I think I need something more saucy and casual. Maybe I’m dreaming . . . !
Hi,
That you had the opportunity to visit Mary Landis is wonderful. That she remembered her aunt is a beautiful gift to you and to her. Sometimes we need to connect to the past to remember the joyful times that we had back then with others and also the ways they influenced us. I hope you got the chance to tell her how much her visits back then meant to you. I am quite sure she enjoyed hearing it tremendously.
Shalom aleichem
The connection was wonderful. She immediately beamed when she saw Grandma’s photo, which made me happy. Because Mary has trouble with memory, I’m pretty sure she couldn’t remember me, but could recall happy times coming for family dinners at my Grandma L’s house. Peace and joy to you today too, Pat! π
You have such wonderfully rich family connections, Marian. So glad you were able to see Mary and share memories.
Facebook has been a great connector for me as far as relatives and friends are concerned. I have a large family. Really hard to connect with some relatives except through Facebook.
I definitely agree. Facebook and other social media are often maligned, but they also make possible connections that would not happen otherwise, especially during the restrictions of the pandemic. I’m so glad that you and your family can have “reunions” online, a very good thing. Thank you, L. Marie! π
This is so wonderful that you met with Mary Marian and that she recognised your grandma immediately and her reaction was one of joy! What wonderful memories. You are a master or mistress rather at memory keeping …a real gift!
Thank you for the compliment, Susan.
During these uncertain times, I find memory-keeping is something that keeps me grounded. In this case, an invitation from Mary’s son Howard was just the impetus I needed. He wanted our meeting as much as I did, because I think he anticipated how his mother would react. She did not disappoint. π
How special that must have been for both you and Mary to see one another and her remembering your aunt. Like walking into a memoir fairytale <3
Debby, I like the phrase “a memoir fairytale,” which describes the feeling exactly. I wonder what unexpected encounters you’ve had with readers along the way. Thanks for stopping by! π
Probably not as many as you, lol. I’m terrible at marketing myself LOL π
(Giggle)
You’re a pro!
Lol π
How lovely that you connected with Mary and shared your memoir and memories it must have been so beautiful …:)x
The visit was short, probably no longer than 20 minutes, but very beautiful, as you describe. Thanks you, Carol.
I can imagine your joy in connection. What a memory from your memoir. Thanks for sharing it with us.
From your book, I love this thought: “I could compensate another way. I could create something beautiful.” Nice work around when facing your restrictions. π It makes me think of the doily mother embroidered, now sitting in my office bedroom. She was just in 8th grade and somehow it is still in perfect shape, though faded. She wrote a note with that little history that I’m keeping as well.
All of her life, your mother has created beautiful things. And now you have the keepsake of an embroidered doily as a reminder.
I’ve noticed when I return to PA, flower beds with a riot of color: purple, gold, and RED decorate the homes where plain people live. Beauty will always “out” somehow. God has created such a beautiful world. Thanks, Melodie! π
Hi Marian. First, I just want to say that I’m enjoying Mennonite Daughter. (I just finished the Halloween Fright chapter. π ) Anyway, last May, I was “found” by one of 2 sisters I used to play with 2 houses down. We hadn’t talked since about 1972 when I switched schools. She found me on LinkedIn. It’s a crazy way to connect, but it worked. I learned that when I moved south from Illinois, I ended up one hour away from Sue (one of the sisters) and never knew it. And she has since moved away! It’s been fascinating to reconnect.
Welcome again, Melanie. Judging from the memoir chapter you mentioned, you’re about 1/3 the way through. I’m glad you’re enjoying a slice of my early life.
Congrats on finding playmates from long ago. I agree, LinkedIn is more about business than social connections, but you were “found” there, a good thing! As you can tell, without Facebook, I would never have met up with my second cousin Howard and from him to his mother Mary.
I enjoyed your post about your connecting with Lissa and left a comment there. π
I love slice of life stories! And yours is so full of rich details from your home, the other home’s attic, your clothes, the cemetery you ran through one day; it takes you right there! π And I LOVE your cat and dog cut-outs. Seriously, they are so well done (You cut them, not Ruth!) Yes, you were able to successfully connect with Mary again which is lovely, and I absolutely connected with Lissa too. Your comment was wonderful. Thank you.
You are welcome, Melanie.
And thank you for the followup here too. I’m glad our memories expand into stories, clarifying the past and leaving a legacy for the future as you are doing on your blog.
What detail you remember: Yes, I did cut out the cat and dog, and they now rest companionably just a few yards from me on my bookshelf. π
It’s wonderful you could show Mary Landis your book and she’s in it! I’m sure she has an autographed copy now. What a gift for her to have you visit and to know you carry her in your heart. Thanks for sharing your Missouri family.
My Missouri family moved to Texas (we were always a small family with only a few cousins). I keep in sporadic touch with one of my Missouri cousins who is now in Texas and feel I’m missing out on something important because of the way the family dispersed. I spent time with a cousin on my mother’s side (also a writer) in Jackson Hole, WY. I’ve been to her home a few times and she’s been to mine to stay a while, but there’s no traveling for either of us during the pandemic. We stay in cards and occasional newsy emails. Love to you and I’m glad you’re safely home.
Elaine, I just visited you and relished your story of Grandma Edna and peach ice cream. Yum!
I believe I’ll always remember your connection to Missouri now that we’ve visited relatives there. Our trip took place July 12-21, when it appeared we were pulling out of the pandemic. I wouldn’t make such a trip these days with the virus’ relentless resurgence. Yes, I’m glad we’re safely home.
Stay safe and be well too! π
This warms my heart that you were able to meet up with this cousin, who you so adored as a child. Mom had nice nails up until the end as well.
Thanks for noticing the details, Darlene. The staff knows Mary probably likes to look nice, so they indulge her with pretty touches like painted nails. π
I love the way you express your thoughts and feelingsβ€οΈ
Thank you for the compliment, Twinkle, and welcome to my blog. I visited your website and notice you admire nature and like sweet things, Do visit again! π
Glad you liked my blog.Thank you for visiting.π
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Thank you for following my blog, Twinkle. I’m glad we have this connection now! π
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